I’m back! After taking a week off during a hard time, I’ve had space to reflect and recharge. That pause has helped me gather some new insights, and a bit of fresh perspective, so we can pick up this journey together once more.
When something unsettles me, whether that’s a disagreement, or something/someone has let me down, I may look calm on the outside, but my mind often spins for days afterward. I replay it on a loop, analyse what I could have done differently, and sometimes let it fester, quietly resenting and ruminating. Even more personal misstep, for example, a minor mistake of taking a wrong turning can derail my mood, as I criticise myself far more than I need to.
This cycle has come and gone over the past decade, but I’m consciously working to change it. These days, when my thoughts start circling, I stop and ask: “Will this matter in 5 years?” If not, why let it steal 5 minutes of today? Or I challenge myself with a gentle: “Has this really affected me that much?” Pausing for these check-ins helps break the tension, stop the rumination on its tracks and lets some lightness in.
Lately, I’ve discovered that beneath the pressure is my ego. An inner voice insisting I should always handle everything perfectly. Loosening its grip has brought relief. Letting go of that pedestal and embracing imperfection has shifted something fundamental. As the Buddhist teacher Ajahn Chah said:
“If you let go a little, you'll have a little happiness. If you let go a lot, you'll have a lot of happiness. And if you let go completely, you will be completely happy.”
Psychologists say rumination began as a survival mechanism: our ancestors rehashed painful experiences to avoid danger. But nowadays? That ancient reflex has turned against us, making us obsess about minor setbacks or misunderstandings that aren’t nearly as dire as our brains believe.
Pressure is the trigger for me, it first became apparent when I had to let go of my first long-term relationship. We were together almost ten years, and I clung to a “fairytale ending” a story I invented and pressured myself to fulfill. When it inevitably collapsed, it wasn’t just about losing the person, but mainly letting go of the dream, and forgiving myself for believing I’d failed.
Healing took time and effort, especially because I was also going through burnout and discovering I suffered from anxiety and depression (more on this here). See how it all starts to come together? Therapy was pivotal, especially allowing myself to fully feel the tough emotions rather than just circling angry or defensive thoughts. I was tasked on visualising a happier future, then to set 3 goals (short, mid and long-term) that I believed would make that happier future come true. It was powerful, and over time I rebuilt my life on my terms, discovering freedom on the other side.
Letting go isn’t a one-and-done affair. I still fall into old patterns, but I’ve built a small toolkit to find relief:
Shake it off: After tough moments, I move! Dance, walk, or just step outside to change the energy.
Write it down: Getting my thoughts out of my head and onto paper makes them easier to examine and release.
Take a breather: It’s okay to step away from the situation to gather your thoughts and feelings.
Make myself laugh: Acting a bit silly or playing with my dog can bring humor and lightness and are underrated antidotes to ego and rumination.
Reward, don’t punish: I might cook a tasty meal instead of criticising myself, adding a little joy to my day.
This journey is ongoing, not linear, and I still need reminders, sometimes every day. I’m learning that we don’t need to carry every pebble we pick up. The lighter I hold onto things, the easier everything feels.
What about you? How do you let go… or do you, too, sometimes hold on too tightly? I’d love to hear your thoughts, tips, and stories in the comments.
In a while, crocodile. 🐊
Healing takes time and effort… but it’s so hard to start…
Thank you for the article 😘