Finding Bloom Between Solitude and Spark
How living between introversion and extraversion is teaching me about balance
It’s been a wild couple of years, and “Making Lemonade” is my way of turning all of that into something useful, sharing what I’ve learned in hopes it might help you navigate your own messy, wonderful life.
For as long as I can remember, I’ve been known as a social butterfly: the one sending invites, cracking jokes to lighten the room, and usually laughing loudest at group dinners. But behind that outgoing side is a quieter truth: I need space, time alone to recharge, and moments of silence to reset my energy. It took me a while to admit this, even to myself, because balancing these two very different parts of who I am hasn’t always been easy.
Sometimes I feel outwardly confident, leading conversations and gatherings, but inside, there’s a cautious, quieter voice full of second-guessing and hesitation. That inner conflict to push and “go for it” clashing with a wish to hold back, it can feel exhausting.
This push and pull, the desire to connect with people yet needing to step back, has become a constant theme in my life. I’ve come to realise it’s part of who I am, but it can also be draining if I’m not careful.
One of the harder lessons I’ve learned is about setting boundaries and being okay with saying no. It’s easy to fall into the trap of trying to be everything to everyone, but I’ve found that protecting my own energy is vital. Saying no isn’t selfish, it’s self-care.
So today I want to explore what it means to live with both extroverted and introverted traits, why that can sometimes feel confusing or overwhelming, and how I’m learning to honour both sides. To make sense of it all, I’m leaning on a personality model that’s really helped me: Thomas Erikson’s colour-coded system from Surrounded by Idiots.
If you haven’t read it, Erikson breaks down personalities into four colours:
Red: Direct, goal-focused, and to the point.
Yellow: Outgoing, creative, always up for new plans.
Green: Calm, helpful, steady presence.
Blue: Detailed, logical, and someone who likes structure.
If you haven’t already guessed, I’m a mix of Yellow and Blue, which means I get the best… and sometimes the weirdest parts of being both extroverted and introverted.
People often say I’m bubbly and gather people together woth ease, but what most don’t see is how I need a reset day after any big social event. Apparently, this is normal for “ambiverts,” who display both social bursts and introverted recharge habits. I’ll always show up if you need me, but too many texts or notifications are overwhelming, and sometimes I just turn everything off so I can breathe.
When I’m hanging out, I’m all in. However, this means other friends get neglected unless they’re physically in front of me. I love helping, but the downside is I forget to check in with myself and sometimes burn out. I’ll stay out late, but once I’m home, I’m glued to the sofa. No matter how much I enjoy them, spontaneous plans can mess with my routines, which leaves me annoyed at myself. A Physchology Today article actually suggests ambiverts often struggle when their need for variety clashes with their craving for order.
Avoiding conflict and tough conversations is something I’ve caught myself doing too, especially because I don’t want to rock the boat or seem harsh. But I’ve learned that burying those feelings inside only adds to my stress and drains more energy. Now, I’m trying to be more honest and gently assertive, even if it feels uncomfortable.
Do you ever struggle with both wanting to say yes to everything and needing time to yourself? How do you find that balance?
COVID actually helped me balance things a bit by introducing new ways to connect online, like video chats and remote hangouts. For me, it was the perfect mix: socialising from home with the freedom to dip out when I needed a break. Psychologists from the APA now talk about the benefit of “controlled connection,” especially for those who get overwhelmed by constant social obligations but still want regular human contact.
Lately, the combination of busy work and endless social plans has left me running out of steam faster. I’m having to figure out my boundaries again, especially with the holiday season coming up.
What’s beautiful is that I’m carrying forward this blend of connection modes into my real life now. While nothing replaces the magic of someone knocking at your door or sharing a laugh in person, I try to honour the energy I have, whether it’s an in-person catch-up or a quick video check-in with a friend nearby. Both count. All of it helps keep that thread of community alive, especially when life feels heavy.
Lessons at the Lemonade Stand
Being both outgoing and needing space isn’t always easy, and sometimes it feels like trying to live in two worlds at once. But the upside is real: learning to honour both sides of myself has shown me how important balance is. It’s taught me to slow down and really value those moments when I’m fully present, with friends or simply with myself.
If you’ve ever felt torn between wanting to be part of the crowd and craving quiet, or missed out on reaching friends because the energy just wasn’t there, you’re not alone. This dance between connection and solitude takes patience, self-compassion, and a willingness to set boundaries that serve your wellbeing.
Here’s one thing that helps me stay grounded: I document all social plans and routines in a calendar. It’s not about rigid routines but having a loose structure that lets me see where my energy is going and reminds me to pencil in breaks. Just that little bit of planning takes the chaos down a notch.
A quick checklist on how I need to find balance as a Yellow/Blue:
Plan social events thoughtfully, prioritising quality over quantity
Schedule at least one day a week for solo recharge and chores
Focus on one project or commitment at a time to avoid overwhelm
Practice saying “no” to protect my energy without guilt
Notice signs of burnout: overwhelm from notifications, fatigue after social events
Set gentle boundaries around my time and availability
Allow myself to avoid conflict when appropriate, but address important issues honestly
Resume a simple planner or journal to keep track of energy and obligations
If you’ve found ways to navigate this pull, or if you’re still figuring it out like me, I’d love to hear your stories below. Whether it’s a small win, a struggle, or just a “hello,” this community grows strongest when we show up for each other, one honest conversation at a time.
So if you’ve discovered ways to recharge, set boundaries, or handle self-criticism when plans don’t go as expected, please share in the comments. Your experience might be just what someone else needs to hear and I definitely know I could use the support too.
In a while, crocodile 🐊